ترجمه ی شعر سیب ممنوع!

اشتراک گذاری در شبکه های اجتماعی

دوستان سلام؛

ممنون برای راهنمایی بابت ترجمه ی شعر زندگی. این بار شعری به نام "سیب ممنوع!" رو گذاشتم تا با راهنمایی های راهگشای شما، بتونیم ترجمه ی خوبی براش ارائه بدیم. پیشاپیش از مشارکتتون کمال تشکر رو دارم.

 

"سیب ممنوع!"

 

صدای تو شیرین

نگاهت گَس

و انگشتانت چه تُرش

بس است!

نگو بی گناهی

 

شاعر: کبری رحیمی

 

 

"No apple!"

 

Your sound is sweet

Your look is acrid

and Your fingers are sour

Enough!

Don't say you are innocence!

 

written by kobra rahimy

 

Tnx miss Gilnar for translating this beautiful poem . your translation is so exact and nice ..i enjoy

Attention!!

Attention !!

be aware that a young poet is comming out ...

so imaginative ...

so ingenious

so creative...

laugh

Dear Gilnar ..

Thank u for this nice peace of poem.

 

 

Hi dear Jupiter. it was so cool! You're kidding! :)

You said me a point about this poem but didn't write on comment. You said it is better that I put innocent instead of innocence because it's adjective. Thanks for opinion

سلام علیکم 

شعر بار مفهومی خوبی رو به شنوده میرسونه اما در ترجمه به نظر من اگر به جای کلمه ی sound یک کلمه ی دیگری جاگزین بشه ، زیبا تر میشه ..

Hi

 this poem is pretty good for everybody because have a good moral for persons who  want to become leader for people 

but

.as far as i know if u write another Synonymous word Insted of sound it can be better  

Hi and thanks for your feedback.

I used the word sound just for more compatibility with sweet. (two s together: sound, sweet) Because i think in the case it is so beautiful.

Another nice poem by you.
In my idea, it is better to use voice instead of sound, and innocent .
.instead of innocence

گیلنار جان شاید بشه به این شکل هم نوشت.

Your voice sweet, your look acrid, and your fingers sour
Stop it!
Don't say you're innocent.

بازم شعری زیبا و معنادار
Congrats
یه تغییرات کوچکی لازمه.

sound >> voice
Enough>> It's enough
innocence>> innocent

it seems that you had emphasis on two points:

  • The use of voice instead of sound
  • The use of innocent instead of innocence

So we can conclude two important changes must be created in this translation.

I am looking forward to hearing your constructive comments.

It s very well but in poem they want to talk about their feeling so try not to speak directly so if you have ability to write such a beautiful poem read original English poem to be the best

من شعر را قبول ندارم چون سیب غیر انسان است ولی دارای ویپزگی های انسانی و مجبوریم که خصوصیات انسان را براش بکار ببریم. مانند ترجمه انگلیسی زیر:

 

Forbidden Apple

Your voice is sweet

Your look is bitter

Your fingers are sour.

These are enough reasons witnessing you are sinner

Don't say you are innocent

Thanks Mr. Nasser for your feedback.

It's not true that I want explain my poem because it's cost go to less.

However I tell for you;

Poetry has been said to the man, not the apple!

A person or an inspiration is to blame him/her to eat apples and expulsion from paradise.

سلام

شعر بسیار مفهومیه به جای کلمه ترش و شیرین صرفا همون ترجمه رو استفاده نکیند می تونید از ترجمه  مفهومی استفاده کنید که نزدیک به همون معنی باشند

موفق باشید

 

قطعا یکی از زیباترین شعرهایی بود که تا حالا خوندم. بسیار زیبا و ارزشمند...
شعرتون مزه عشق میده...

forbide apple!"

 

Your sound is sweet

Your look is acrid

and Your fingers are sour

Enough!

dont play  innocence!

well done! nice poem and translation, I imagine you'd beter to use "voice" insteade of sound which is more suitible as it comes to adderss a human's,firstly,secondly u can substitute "innocence" with innocent,cause u should use an ADJ not a NOUN here.

 

Forbidden apple

 

Your sound is sweet

Your look is acrid

And so sour fingers

Enough is enough

Don't play  innocence

No More Apples

Your sound is sweet.

Your look is acrid.

and how sour are your fingers!

That's enough.

Don't say you're innocent.

تست

It is a nice prom
I really enjoyed reading it...
I look forward to seeing more poems behalf of you

Thank you

.Hello teacher

.I appreciate you for your comments. I hope day by day good luck in your English teaching

Perfect
I really enjoyed your poem

بجای sound از voice استفاده کن عزیزم

و بحای not apple از prohibited apple استفاده کنی بنظرم بهتره..البته بنظر من

 

Forbbiden apple

Your voice is sweet

Your eyes are acerb

Your finfers are acrid

Enough!

Stop talking about you are innoncent

ممنون گیلنار جان؛شعر خیلی زیبایی بود .اما بنظر من وقتی به زبان انگلیسی ترجمه میشه بار معنایی و احساسی رو که به خواننده منتقل میکنه از دست میده ..

وااااااااااااای ببین کی اینجاست. فاطمه جان مرسی که اومدی و نظر دادی. خیلی وقت بود خبری ازت نداشتم.

بعد از این همه نظر دیگه مطمئن شدم که همون به فارسی شعر بگم خییییلی بهتره. ترجمه پیشکش :)

خیلی عالی بود
جمله پر معنی بود واقعا جای تحسین دارید
روح پر احساسی دارین