The importance of trust in relationships

It is very important!
August 3 at 9:12am ·  · 3

E You can say that again and again  B why don't you post the first question?
August 3 at 9:36am ·  · 3

B Everyone here knows the meaning of trust ,if not you can consult a good dictionary!  The first question which I 'm asked for is
August 3 at 12:18pm ·  · 2

B How many people are there in your life in whom you 've put your trust?
August 3 at 12:20pm · Edited ·  · 2

G In my opinion trust is the important key to any relationship because whidout it you cannot have the confidence to share your feeling,memories,emotion and yourself whith someone else
August 3 at 4:46pm ·  · 2

G so without trust,a relation ship cannot survive.cheeting and lying can break it and in turn can create problems
August 3 at 4:52pm ·  · 2

E Thanks B. When it comes to discussion, I believe that one has to define the keywords in their own words... We are free to have our own slightly different definitions! Let me clarify this with an example: I trust my mother and I do believe that she is honest and is not going to harm me. But do I listen to everything that she says? No way! To answer your question I must say that there's no one that I can fully trust. Not even myself! I try to things in their correct way but I know I sometimes fail...
August 3 at 5:01pm ·  · 2

E Hey G. Welcome to the group and thanks for the post
August 3 at 5:01pm ·

G thanks your welcom E
August 3 at 5:03pm ·  · 1

F Hi. I think trust is the soul of a relationship. So real reationship is based on trust . Trust makes it easier to have a strong relationship with no stress. However, It is essentional to build the foundation of friendship with trust and honesty.
August 4 at 12:47am ·  · 2

E Hi F  Welcome!
August 4 at 10:20am ·  · 1

F E Thanks alot
August 4 at 1:40pm ·  · 2

A  When it comes to relationships,they vary from the kind you have with family members to... friends of different types.You might not know even a close friend as much as you know your SISTER!On the other hand ,no one can claim he is neither honset nor dishonest but the harm should be taken into consideration to see if the trustee meant the harm or unintentionally has done.
August 4 at 1:49pm · Edited ·  · 2

A  Each relationship demands its own type of trust I think,depending how close it becomes,what is going to be shared and what the consequences would be if they get broken.
August 4 at 1:53pm · Edited ·  · 2

A  However ,there are some people who trust their insticts esp those who are experienced in things which makes me believe the source of trust could be nowhere but inside us!Those who trust in God are dead sure there is no harm!
August 4 at 2:05pm · Edited ·  · 2

D thank you for all your comment folks A  F G B The next question is: What is the result of distrust in a relationship?
August 4 at 10:34pm ·  · 1

F Trust and distrust are essential elements of our behavior. It is so important to overcome the problems of distrust in each relationship. I believe that ditrust damages the safe emotion conditions that trust can build.
August 5 at 1:15am ·  · 2

E All I'm thinking about is how you define trust!! I mean there are different layers or levels of trust out there. and BTW, A , when I was writing this week's topic, I was thinking of the relationship between couples.
August 5 at 2:02am ·  · 2

E One sample:
E's photo.
August 5 at 2:05am ·  · 2

E Trust slope:
E's photo.
August 5 at 2:06am ·  · 2

E On it's highest level you may call it the absolute trust, proactive trust or the peak of commitment or whatever. The point is will you, in that level, do anything for your partner? Anything? And should you? I've seen people who have betrayed their spouses after a decade's worth of trust...
August 5 at 2:14am ·  · 1

A  People change so things which lead to the right level of trust and commitment should be practiced and levelized every day if one wants to stay in the relationship of any kind,I think!
August 5 at 5:41am ·  · 2

D If I want to talk about relationships between couples according to the 4 levels of trust, distrust means no loyalty. If There's no loyalty in a relationship, I think there is nothing left of that relationship. But different people have different attitudes towards distrust. some might accept it and live with it, knowing that there are other benefits in that relationship which they need. I mean every couple might face this uncomfortable situation in a unique way.
August 5 at 11:28am · Edited ·

D But the question is you need to have someone in your life who you can trust after all. and by trust I mean someone who is loyal to you. And if that person is not your partner or spouse, then who would it be? So If you lose your trust to your partner, Is there a way to get it back? I mean if your partner betrays you in some way, Can you forgive the person and trust him/her again? H A  F B G
August 5 at 11:31am · Edited ·  · 3

H trust roles as a foundation in any relation, although it may bear in normal condition, under lateral loads it will certainly lead to structure's collapse because of the failure in foundation
August 5 at 7:44pm ·  · 1

F DDefinitely not! Betrayal hurts my emotions alot and I never forgive some one who betrays me.If my partner has been unfaithful to me, I never beg him to stay and let him to go and do whatever he have chosen to do.
August 5 at 10:32pm ·  · 2

D I know I would do the same!  But there are some people who wouldn't F
August 5 at 10:40pm · Edited ·  · 1

F D I agree with you De
August 5 at 11:04pm ·  · 2

G I think trust and honesty play important role in relation ship so distrust can lead to adverse effects as well as noted earlier and distrust is associated with a lack of cooperation,,but if someone betray me Idont forgive him at all because it effects in my emotion and also l cant confident about him D
August 5 at 11:17pm ·  · 2

H D you know in my opinion in depends on the importance of the dishonesty, and it's effect on our future relation, my personal experience learned me to be patient in such occasion and avoid judging and deciding before giving a chance to who you have been in love, maybe you can forgive him
August 5 at 11:25pm ·  · 2

D I totally agree with you H Jan. But here's the question: Even when you forgive your partner, will you be able to trust him again or not? What is your plan to avoid betrayal for the second time?
August 5 at 11:33pm ·  · 2

H of course it's an obvious reflection of our mind to avoid trusting, relation just needs time to take form again, and I say again definitely it depends on the depth of dishonesty.
August 6 at 12:01am ·  · 2

E I guess what D means by betrayal is having an affair. In some cases (and I know a few personally) both partners are doing this and they both know about it. So, it seems that they have come to sort of an agreement on this issue! My point is they still trust each other but this is definitely a different type of trust!!
August 6 at 3:28am ·  · 2

A  There are three important factors in every healthy matrimony life;love,intimacy and commitment without each you cannot call that life a healthy and long-lasting one.I think what here is needed to be defined is the last one,'commitment' ;When one gets commited to the other human being he promises not to hurt her both physically and mentally otherwise the relationship is not healthy .The successsfulness of a matr... life depends largely on maturity and understanding of both couples.
August 6 at 5:27am · Edited ·  · 4

F E In this different type of trust there's no problem. When both of partners accept that, it dosen't mean betrayal at all. people of the same type have same interests as well, so in such cases this behavior is one of their interests that they haven't any complaint about it. Therefor they can accept it as a rule of their personal life that never hurts emotions.
August 6 at 1:11pm ·  · 3

A  And there are different kinds of divorce including emotional divorce which means partners are not emotionally involved instead they fulfill the needs of that kind smoewhere else as it's seen in some families as you mentioned.However I personally never call that a healthy one since it lacks all three factors!
August 6 at 3:12pm · Edited ·  · 2

D You got me E . That was exactly what I meant. F I partly agree with you, but I think that sort of relationship is still painful. And A  mentioned sth really nice that made another question in my mind: If a relationship is not satisfying for the couple in any way, why do they stay together? I mean if they 're emotionally separated, Why don't they get separated physically too??? H G B
August 6 at 5:46pm · Edited ·  · 4

B They might have some children and can't get seperated.They might also not able to afford two lives at the same time!!How unfaithful these are !Let's talk about positive things  !
August 6 at 8:53pm ·  · 2

F Many of the couples stay together just for sake of the kids. Besides, separation is emotionally devastating for most people so they hope to recover their relation step by step.
August 6 at 9:21pm ·  · 2

G D.In my opinion in the past plenty of couples stay toghether for children,religion or other practical reason,but today for many couples it's just not enough to stay together they want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying
August 6 at 10:24pm ·  · 2

A  How would you know that your spouse is loyal to you or not?Is harmless flirting really harmless?What are those actions you might ask your spouse to take or one might be asked not to take to keep the trust 'proactive'?What makes you stay LOYAL?
August 6 at 10:57pm ·  · 3

K I guess when there is a problem in a relationship, separation is not the only answer! getting professional help is not common here but very useful(if u can find a good one). but most people live in their fantasy world and think once there is problem it means you partner doesn't understand u! however a broken trust.....
August 7 at 9:16am ·  · 2

E Hey K. Welcome
August 7 at 9:48am ·  · 1

E A , To answer your question regarding flirting I guess this is one of the things that couples have to discuss/show/clarify in the beginning of their relationship. To answer your other questions I can say that according to my experience, there are some important characteristics without which we can’t practically deal with the tension caused by such worrying and intrusive thoughts. Among those qualities are honesty, understanding (insight) and love! You may add many other personality traits here but I believe that these are the major ones, the ones that you have to seek in a person if you’re planning to get married.
August 7 at 10:42am ·  · 2

E D, Here are some other reasons: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_of_convenience

A marriage of convenience (plural marriages of convenience) is a marriage contra...See More
August 7 at 10:47am ·  · 1 · Remove Preview

D Thnx for the link E and A  I think there is no way to know your partner is loyal! Unless they let the cat out of the bag unintentionally.... I believe no one has the right to confine his/her partner's freedom in communicating with other people and making new friends.I think couples should stay together as long as they are pleased with each other. and if one of them feels the relationship is not satisfying for him/her anymore, they should genuinely get separated and give each other another chance to find someone they can be happy with. Although if there are kids involved, things won't be that simple anymore.
August 7 at 12:10pm ·  · 2

D And as E mentioned some people's purpose for a relationship is not finding love or happiness. in this case the conditions are completely different.
August 7 at 12:10pm ·  · 2

A  E,'couples have to discuss/show/clarify in the beginning of their relationship'is this going to say that there are things related to the trust area which should be discussed before marriage?Also 'discuss/...' couples should do these but how?I mean should there be some skills how to start,...and conclude with no tension? :)And the last part of your comment,do you think all people show their true charactristics or there are things realized living a life only?
August 7 at 12:25pm · Edited ·  · 1

A  D,I'll never stay in a relationship unless I 'm sure there's some sort of mutual feelings as you do!  in case there are children,will you stay?What would happen to the real YOU?Your interests,....?
August 7 at 12:30pm ·  · 1

A  K ,Excuse me but 'However a broken trust....?' ?I wish you had finished that beautiful sentence of yours!Thank you!
August 7 at 12:34pm ·  · 1

E A , You're playing a nice role as a discussion leader!
August 7 at 12:37pm ·  · 2

E What I meant by the-before-marriage thing was that you should clearly show or tell your partner to what extent you literally flirt with the opposite sex! Not only flirting but anything that you feel could somehow provoke opposition...
August 7 at 12:44pm ·  · 1

A  Thanks for the compliment!
August 7 at 12:47pm ·

E What I mean by discuss/show/clarify is to either discuss OR show OR clarify! and yeah, it could be a discussion. It depends on your partner's style. I myself am into discussions and I love it! (I've held 80 free f2f discussion sessions in Tehran so far  ) Some people find it difficult or even funny to discuss such stuff directly. That's OK! You can act! Yo may flirt in front of them and see how they react!
August 7 at 12:49pm ·

A  Harmless flriting was just a simple example ,can you see any similarities between discussion in class with the one you are emotionally involved also prone to get misunderstood?
August 7 at 12:52pm · Edited ·  · 1

E Based on my experience, a few people are truly who they really are! It does take a long time. But you should be smart enough to make deductions or test your partner. It's really easy! For example make them angry and see how they react
August 7 at 12:53pm ·

E Well, It's not that easy!
August 7 at 12:56pm ·  · 1

E You're right though. Things are different with your partner. But what I had in mind was before getting emotionally attached...
August 7 at 1:02pm ·  · 1

E I say I own a few skills! I had a failure before and I've learned a lot!
August 7 at 1:03pm ·

A  Comprehensive!
August 7 at 1:05pm ·  · 1

E
August 7 at 1:06pm ·  · 1

A  We all need to learn them!  ESP how not to get emotionally attached...
August 7 at 1:09pm ·  · 2

D If there were children involved, I'd try to fix the situation in any way I can. I may make more friends to satisfy myself emotionally as long as it's not considered betrayal or flirting. I mean I may fill the void created in my life by other stuff,  finding a new hobby or keeping myself busy with a project from work or reading about new things to refresh my mind. But these are just assumptions. In real life , If things get really hard for me, I might even get separated. Sometimes even children have to learn from their parents' mistakes. A
August 7 at 1:27pm ·  · 2

K D I guess it's not possible in long run, moreover you're emotionally betraying yourself! children are too smart, they can feel loveless parents easily!
August 7 at 2:07pm ·  · 2

D K I know exactly what you mean. All I wanted to say is that if I had children I would do anything I could to make things better. some people think you're a loveless mother if you put yourself first. But I don't really believe in sacrificing yourself for anyone or anything. Moreover I feel if you want to be a good mother, a good wife or a good person, firstly you should be good to YOURSELF and take care of your needs. So I guess we're both saying the same thing
August 7 at 2:54pm ·  · 2

A  Dear D,unfortunately there are some kids sometimes who make things more difficult,however,shouldn't we adults make sure that the life is the ideal one also the partner before we decide to have any?Someone told me once that when somebody has a child it seems his/her heart is walking outside their bodies so we should consider all aspects before.Don't you think they would ask us someday why they are there?
August 7 at 11:07pm · Edited ·  · 2

D A  about your first question I must say nothing in life is ideal. and you can not predict everything before marriage. We do our best But sometimes we make mistakes. and my children ( If I had any :D) should learn this lesson in life that it's ok to make mistakes as long as they feel responsible for it and try to fix it.( My own parents are divorced and I don't blame them because of it.) and about your second question I'm already prepared to answer that to my kids . and i would say: " I brought you to this life in a situation which I thought was the best for someone to be born in. I wanted you to have whatever I wanted to have and I didn't. BUT you should know that no man is perfect and life is full of surprises. If things are not the way you want them to be, you should try to change it, instead of giving up or blaming other people for it. "
August 8 at 12:00am ·  · 2

D And I just can hope that this would be convincing enough for my kids...
August 8 at 12:01am ·  · 2

I trust is most important but with politic
August 8 at 12:15am ·  · 1

D What do you mean by " with politic" I ?
August 8 at 12:18am ·  · 1

I we dont should say every reality
August 8 at 12:22am ·  · 1

E Hi I, You mean we should sometimes tell lies?
August 8 at 1:31am ·

A  Absolutely,D!No one is perfect and those who know this undeniable fact can handle things better as you definitely do.What I meant by 'ideal' is'the best one'for you and only for you,I was not going to be idealistic at all!  I personally would  my children to trust me,too!And I'll try!
August 8 at 9:07am ·  · 2

A  Let's take a look at the pic above ,what do you think of it?If you were the man would you step in ?  
August 8 at 9:15am ·  · 1

E It's funny! A , I just wanted to tell you to shoot the next question!
August 8 at 10:12am ·  · 1

E I don't know if the illustrator did it intentionally or not but the man's eyes are covered by a cloudy thing and that's the cloud of love! So, he's is in love and therefore he is blind and has no idea what the hell he's doing
August 8 at 10:28am ·  · 1

E Just  the old me!
August 8 at 10:28am ·  · 1

B The sun is shining where the girl is!  And I think she's going to stop him from moving forward ,she knows there's danger ahead.We 've got to be very careful though not wary of establishing new relashionships I guess!  I think love heals it's never been blind ,selfishness is blind!
August 8 at 3:04pm ·  · 1

I no i think we dont should say all facts,it is not lie
August 8 at 3:45pm ·  · 1

A  E,what a coincidence!
August 8 at 9:19pm ·  · 1

D If I were the man I would never do such thing  A
August 8 at 9:27pm ·  · 2

A  Cloud of love which doesn't let him see clearly?!Is that going to say we should try to see things clearly before we step in?What are those things everyone must know to build trust or sometimes repair it once broken?Do we really know ourselves ,our needs,....even our shortcomings?Are we honest/brave enough to share them?Do we really mean what we say ?and....
August 8 at 9:28pm ·  · 1

A  D,:) Good!
August 8 at 9:28pm ·  · 2

A  B,I d the idea of constant care,we should care always!
August 8 at 9:30pm ·  · 1

E I'm leaving, will come back and answer you. You're a question tank!
August 8 at 10:40pm ·

D A  We're not talking about a mathematical question, We're talking about love relationships! I might see something in someone and feel that I can trust that person, But you might see the same thing and run away from the person! I think there are as many types of relationships as the number of humans on earth. why? because everyone of us is unique, So our relationships has to be unique too. But the problem is we don't know ourselves enough to clarify everything for our future partner. So as we move along in a relationship, we learn things about ourselves, about trust, about agreements that we should make, and step by step determine the relations between us. But if we want to follow the rules of our society or our culture in our marriage, then every thing is prepared and preset and there 's nothing else to discuss about. And, If we' re not honest or brave enough to express our true self or we don't really mean what we say, then I think this is a personality issue, not a relationship problem....
August 8 at 11:13pm ·  · 2

D The illustrator definitely did that intentionally. E
August 8 at 11:44pm ·  · 1

D I You mean we shouldn't say the whole reality. right?
August 8 at 11:46pm ·  · 1

A  Dear D,when I look at the picture I can see the couple each standing on one of the upper curves of the heart.Since they are apart ,the heart (love or relationship)doesn't lose its balance but what if the man stepped in and went to the other side ?They cannot keep the balance anymore.They are connected indeed through the rope (trust) also love (heart) but they shouldn't endanger the relationship,I think!That's what I think of it and I wouldn't step in!
August 9 at 9:08am · Edited ·  · 1

A  'But the problem is we don't know ourselves enough to clarify everything for our future partner.'Exactly what I meant,we should know clearly what we want also be sure we really mean it.And let's not forget those personalitiy issues might badly affect our relationships as long as they are not taken seriously.
August 9 at 9:15am ·

A  Back to the picture,I think there are some steps to be taken to build trust and keep it .The first is 'knowing ourselves'. To know imperfections and those who might endanger the relationship.
August 9 at 9:23am · Edited ·  · 1

D Let me ask you to answer your own question. Because I think I already answered that in my comments. But I'm really interested to hear about your point of view. How can we know ourselves A ? What are the steps to be taken to build trust and to keep it? who might endanger the relationship? And speaking of picture, what if both man and woman start stepping towards each other? What happens then?
August 9 at 10:57am ·  · 1

E Halt!  "How can we know ourselves" would be a whole different topic and if you're interested, we can choose it for our next discussion topic../
August 9 at 1:17pm ·  · 1

E You could answer the rest of the Qs though...
August 9 at 1:18pm ·

A D,I guess I've previously answered some!women and men both endanger it.If both step in,I call that a big surprise which they have to pay the price!
August 9 at 2:55pm ·  · 1

D What do you mean by " to pay the price" A  ? you talked about 3 important factors of a healthy relationship beautifully, but I think you didn't mention the steps to build trust in a relationship in your previous comments. How do you think two strangers can move step by step from complete distrust to full loyalty? And you said " both men and women endanger the relationship", but how?
August 9 at 8:59pm ·  · 1

A  The price?As I see the picture,a broken leg or two!That's OK ,I mean, sometimes we say 'break a leg!'
August 9 at 9:55pm ·  · 1

A We should learn them ,the skills=steps,the first one would be self-awareness as I said.
August 9 at 9:59pm · Edited ·

A When couples start relationships and don't know how to express their feelings -let's say hardly know them-They don't feel resposible enough, are afraid of commitment,...that's how they endanger it!(Three factors)
August 9 at 10:06pm · Edited ·  · 1

I yes exatly
August 9 at 11:37pm ·  · 2

D A  what do you mean by "break a leg" ? I Thought it means good luck. What I meant was What the price is in real life. and I didn't get the self-awareness part either. You mean If two people are aware of their true feelings, Then they can trust each other??
August 9 at 11:53pm ·  · 1

I J yes it's so important
August 10 at 12:18am ·  · 2

A Dear D,I think I answered the Qs before,I think it results in hurting each other(breaking legs) also breaking -ups.I'd say 'GOOD luck!' to them that's how they decide!  Others might have different opinions though.
August 10 at 6:15am · Edited ·  · 1

A Have you heard any thing about EQ?Do you think it plays an important role in how people deal with things?
August 10 at 6:18am ·  · 1

D A  Although your answer didn't convince me, But thank you so much for your participation. Yes I heard about the EQ. But let's discuss it in a more related topic. Is there anything else you would  to say to summarize the discussion?
August 10 at 12:47pm ·  · 1

D Yes I We analyzed the subject and we concluded the same result
August 10 at 12:54pm ·

A   Forgive me,I thought this was just exchanging ideas not convincing eachother!?
August 10 at 3:05pm · Edited ·  · 1

A   Emotional Inteligence known as EQ in tests teaches us how to know our emotions including love and anger also how to express them so that it would not hurt another human being and above all how to manage those feelings.
August 10 at 3:09pm · Edited ·  · 1

A   Make alist of all your personality traits positive and negative both ,Then ask a close friend or a family member to edit it,try to be realistic not idealistic.That's another way to selfawareess! e.g;I'm so sensetive/easily offended/....naive or reliable,...
August 10 at 3:13pm ·  · 1

A   You can even ask an expert if you don't have any friends or sb who knows you very well to help you!
August 10 at 3:15pm ·  · 1

A   Let me explain with an example,you're easily angered and you hit ppl when you get angry and you have no idea how to manage it that's where EI helps,selfawareness helps,you cannot be trusted as long as you own this bad habit,..
August 10 at 3:30pm ·  · 1

A   You don't know if you're attracted to sb or it's just pure love,you express it then realize that was wrong,can you be trusted next time?(know your emotions=>mean what you say...)
August 10 at 3:34pm · Edited ·  · 1

A   Although I was suppoded not to talk about knowing.... I did. E  There's ascene in Kung Fu Panda (the sequal) in which all champions are running to reach the ship -on which Peacock is- to fight him.Those who are there to help ,ask Panda ,'What's the plan B if A goes wrong?'Panda simply answers 'There's no plan B'  I hope there's a plan B here !
August 10 at 4:08pm · Edited ·  · 1

D Now I have to say I'm finally convinced A   Thank you for sharing your knowledge. And I think our next discussion topic would probably be sth about self awareness and we're going to discuss the EQ part in detail
August 10 at 4:11pm ·  · 1

E Hey guys, sorry I couldn't follow you for a few days. I've read all your posts though and I want to thanks you for the participation. One good thing about these discussions is the fact that we're learning from each other and we're sharing our experiences and I love it
August 11 at 2:41am ·  · 1